Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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