Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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