So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
