my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
