it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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