Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
