Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
