I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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