I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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