I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
