my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
