you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
