sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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