we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
