He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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