we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
