Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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