Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
