nut hugger
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
