How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
