Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
