This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
