somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
