Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
