Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
