I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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