college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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