I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
