she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
