So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
