I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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