I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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