Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
