you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
