Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
