do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
How's work?
Spinning.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
