The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
