get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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