Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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