I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So apparently I’m into choking now
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
