After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you didnt know i had herpes?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
