Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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