How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
