There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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