btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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