Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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