Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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