do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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