6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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