You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
