Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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