we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
