Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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