i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
