Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
