you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
